How Play Therapy Works
See an example of what play therapy could look like with a child who engages in pretend play.
An Overview of Play Therapy
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How Play Therapy Can Differ from Talk Therapy
Oftentimes, when we as adults go to therapy, we are having a conversation about things that are feeling challenging for us or difficult experiences where we need support.
Rather than relying on words, play therapy uses children’s natural language of play to communicate with me as the therapist. That play will look different for a 7-year-old than a 13-year-old, and maybe different still for an ADHDer kiddo than an autistic kiddo, so I adapt to the child’s developmental level and need. I most often use what’s called non-directive or child-centered play therapy, meaning that I follow your child’s lead and I trust that they want to feel better. I am here to offer them support and a safe place to do so.
How Play Therapy Works with Pretend Play
Let me give you an example for a child who engages in pretend play. Let’s say your child is starting to refuse to go to school. After several sessions of getting to know me, your kiddo starts playing out a scene with me where they are a shop keeper, and I am a customer. I come into the shop to buy something, and every time something bad happens. The first time I come in, the person that was supposed to deliver the goods didn’t show up, and the shop owner is scrambling because all the shelves are empty. The next time, an employee has just quit and the shop keeper can’t keep up with everything going on in the store. Then, there’s a rat infestation in the store! This may play out over many sessions, and there may be an escalation that’s happening to it.
Play Therapy Theory
The theory behind play therapy is that your child is showing me their world and their emotional states. There is likely not a direct one-to-one correlation with their experience, meaning you haven’t just visited a store full of rats, but this is maybe what it feels like to your kid when they go to school. Something bad happens every time that they don’t see coming, and they feel like there’s something missing in the support they’re getting to help them navigate it.
So how does the therapy part work? I often find that kids will continue to play out this loop until they feel like they’ve processed it and understand it. I find there’s three conditions that the child is often trying to meet, and it could be one or many of them.
Empathy. They just want someone to understand their experience and how hard it is. I’m authentically responding in the play with any emotion coming up for me. If I’m frustrated, I name that and express that. I wouldn’t want to go to school either if it feels like people let me down and loud scary things can come into the room at any time. Once they feel like I really get it, they’re ready to move on.
What to Do. As I’m playing, I’m trying out different responses. When the rats come in, I might say “Oh no, this is so scary to me, I need to step outside and come back until you’ve taken care of this.” I’m modeling how to take a break from an overwhelming environment. Or if I’m getting really frustrated, I’m saying, “I keep coming back here, and you never seem to be able to help me. Can you help me with buying this item?” I’m modeling self-advocacy. Or I say, “Oh no, I’m really upset, I needed to get this item to give to a friend today. I need to take a breath.” And maybe I model a breathing exercise that’s on your child’s IEP that they haven’t been able to access. I’m connecting what’s going on in the environment to the coping tools that can help your child navigate it.
Support from Adults. I likely won’t tell you this much detail about the play, but I will let you know that your child is helping me understand what going to school feels like, and I’m noticing some themes. One theme is not feeling supported, and maybe we realize that there is a tool you and teachers thought your kiddo could use on their own to calm down, but maybe that’s not working. So we try out what happens when an adult supports them in that moment and the adult and your kiddo use that tool together. Then we talk about if and how the play changes and if anything changes at home or school. I may let you know that I’m noticing some fear coming up for your child, and it feels related to something interrupting the environment. We may theorize that’s related to your child’s sensory profile and other students being too loud for your kiddo to handle. So we may brainstorm and explore together some options to support that. We’re experimenting and collaborating together to figure out what your child needs and what helps.
So what happens when those conditions are met? I may see a pretty abrupt change in play, and you may notice some growth at home and school. You may notice that your child generally feels calmer and more able to handle tough situations. They may be able to utilize some tools that previously weren’t accessible to them. Transitioning to school may still be a bit hard, but the intensity of that has gone down considerably.
Therapeutic Work
This is just one example of what play therapy can look like, and pretend play is not a requirement for this process to work. I do hope it helps you understand play therapy a bit better. I’ll leave you with a quote from Virginia Axline, one of the founders of child-centered play therapy, “Enter into children's play, and you will find the place where their minds, hearts, and souls meet.” It is a special privilege when a child let’s me into their world in the playroom.